OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
