i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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