I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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