Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
