Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
