i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
