i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
