When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
