soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
