is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize