you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
