No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
