Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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