I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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