PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
