Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
