all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
