I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
