I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize