Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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