your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
