The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
