I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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