she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize