No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
