The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
