Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
