WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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