I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
