They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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