she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
