dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
