We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
