you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
