My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
