so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
