Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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