it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
