Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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