Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
