I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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