I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
