he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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