you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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