We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize