Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
