Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
