If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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