This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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