Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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