youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
