Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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