I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
