Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
