we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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