OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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