can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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