I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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