I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
