I think I died a long time ago.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize