im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do herpes really smell.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
