when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
