I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
