I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
