I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
