Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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