he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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