More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
