i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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