How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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