I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
