Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
