I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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