Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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