I will die if light touches me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize