she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
