where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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