Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My hand turned me down
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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