I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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