She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
