i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize