his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
