Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
