If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
