Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
