Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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