watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize