so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
