I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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