I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
