I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
