end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
